Love Me Tender
by DeMoNzUnLeAsHeD
Summary: EDITED! The first time it happened, Derek hadn't said anything – not really that surprised too considering the case they'd just been through – he'd just held Spencer, not questions asked... Bad summary, please R&R anyway
1. Almost

**EDITED!**

**A/N:** First Derek/Spencer fic... Not sure I want it as a one-shot or not yet... we'll see how it goes...

**NOTE:** ooooo time pass

**Warning: **Don't know where I'm going with this... Might have OOC characters (so what, is it OOCC now, don't answer that), I don't know... hints of rape and abuse... also working on my angst thing... again...

**Disclaimer:** Nope

**Love Me Tender**

"_When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.__"_

― _Lemony Snicket_

The first time it happened, Derek hadn't said anything about – not really surprised considering the gruesome case they'd just been through. Derek just held Spencer close, no questions asked. He'd just allowed Spencer to 'break into' his apartment and walk straight into the older agent's bed, get in and go straight sleep, making sure Derek was holding him as he slept.

The next day wasn't much of a surprise either, the day had been hard for all of them with finishing up case files and a lot of other case work. They all felt like they needed some kind of comfort after all they saw, to know that not everyone in the world would treat people the way the UnSubs did. Everyone wanted a safe haven, and Derek didn't mind being Spencer's safe haven.

But then, Spencer kept coming back. At exactly twelve-oh-one each day for the next three weeks Spencer would do the same thing. He'd 'break into' Derek's apartment, pull his shoes and socks of as per usual and place them neately by the bed then quietly slide into bed with Derek, make sure the older agent had his arms arounf him securly then fall asleep. Derek wanted to know why, because he couldn't understand what was going on with his pretty boy, why the sudden need to come over every single day to sleep, but he didn't want to scare the kid with the questions, so he never asked.

It was common knowledge in the office that Spencer was seeing someone, that the someone was a male someone, and that Spencer and this someone (still faceless and nameless) were in a 'serious and committed relationship'. Derek didn't understand why the genius would come to him and not go to the someone instead. Why seek comfort in the arms of another man when he had someone who he seemed to love so much?

Derek got his answer on the first day of the next month. He was in bed as usual, when he heard the tell-tale signs of Spencer 'breaking in' – Derek had tried giving Spencer a key, but the kid had completely ignored it choosing to come in his usual way by picking the lock. _11:34_ the digital clock on his nightstand blinked. Derek frowned in confusion; Spencer was early, way early. Most of the timeen he was early it was usually five minutes or less, never almost half an hour. Derek waited for the genius to make his way to the room, but Spencer didn't come in.

Derek's frown only seemed to grow. The older agent waited a few more minutes before he shook his head seeing Spencer wasn't going to come in. Derek got out of bed and slowly made his way to the living room where he found Spencer sitting on the floor just to the side of the door, long legs pulled close to his slim body, arms wrapped around legs and face hidden between knees. Derek looked at Spencer for a while then realised that the kid was shaking. At first Derek just stood there, waiting for Spencer to say or do something, to acknowledge Derek's presence, but when he saw that the kid wasn't moving he started to move closer.

"Reid," he called gently when he was a few feet away from the kid. "Hey, kid. Are you okay?" Spencer didn't move from his position on the ground, instead, a small, almost pained whimper escaped his lips. "Reid?" Derek stepped closer to the younger man till he was standing right in front of him. "Spence?" Derek knelt in front of the genius and touched the younger man's shoulder gently, noting how Spencer flinched slightly before relaxing just a teancy bit.

Spencer drew in a shakey breath then slowly looked up. Derek suppressed a gasped. Spencer... his face... his beautiful, innocent face... It was...

"Who did this to you?" Derek asked, inding it hard to control his temper, but had to or else he'd scare the kid. "Re... Spencer, tell me." This time the words were said in almost a whisper, Derek was trying to keep his voice from rising. "Who did this?" Tears fell from Spencer's big, scared-looking, hazel orbs.

"I'm so-sorry Mor-Morgan," Spencer stuttered in a small voice, turning away from Derek slightly, curling even more into himself, trying to make himself physically small. "I-I had nowhere else to g-go." Derek nodded noting just how frightened the younger agent was.

"Its okay kid, it's alright." Derek helped Spencer up gently. This time he couldn't suppress the gasp that escaped his lips. Where Spencer had been sitting was a pool of blood... he was... "Who did this to you kid, was it...?" He didn't know the guys name, didn't even know what he looked like.

"I-I'm so-sorry." Sobs escaped the hurt kids lips as he tried to pull away from Derek, but the older agent wouldn't allow it and he held Spencer close.

"Its okay kid, I'm right here..."

"Please... please..." Spencer choked out through sobs that seemed to rake from deep within his small frame.

"Shhh... I've got you."

"D-don't... j-just... please..."

"Shhh... its okay kid, I'm right here." Derek led Spencer to his room. He pulled the covers off and got Spencer inside. Derek knew he was supposed to take Spencer to the hospital, that he was supposed to call the police, but the kid looked so scared, so vulnerable, the hospital would scared him even more.

"Don't... don't go Derek... please..." Derek nodded, getting into the bed with Spencer. He wrapped his arms around the smaller man and shushed the still weeping genius till Spencer fell asleep. Derek ran a hand through the brown locks but froze when he felt something in the back. Derek sat up slightly and pushed away the locks to find a cake of blood. Derek felt he was going to be sick, he felt physically ill. How could someone hurt someone as innocent and kind hearted as Spencer, how could they do this to the kid?

"Its okay kid, I've got you," Derek whispered, pulling Spencer closer, feeling so much more protective over the kid.

While Spencer slept on Derek lay with the boy, trying to figure out what to do next. He knew he'd need to get to Spencer to hospital, especially since the kid had a wound on his head that was still slightly bleeding. After a while Derek came to a desicion. His phone was on the nightstand behind him. Derek grabbed it and dialled Penelope Garcia's number with a shakey hand. It rang three times before the bubbly woman picked up.

"_A-good night my chocolate god, my sweet sexy-."_

"Can you come over?" Derek interrupted in quiet and very tired voice.

"_What's wrong Derek?"_ Penelope's tone changed from playful to serious in seconds.

"I can't tell you over the phone, please come over."

"_I'll be right over honey."_

"Thanks Penelope." Derek hung up and dropped his phone behind him on the bed.

Thirty minutes later Derek heared Penelope walk into the house. He heared more than just one gasp coming from the living room and he was sure it was because they'd seen the blood on the floor. Penelope probably brought Prentiss and JJ along. Derek wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing yet, but it couldn't think about that now, he had bigger problems.

"Derek?" Prentiss called as the three women made their way to Derek's room. Penelope was the first to arrive, followed close by the other two women. They all gasped when they caught a glimpse of Spencer's face.

"Who... what... oh my gosh..." Penelope said, rushing to the bed. "What happened to him?"

"I don't know, he's been coming over here for the past month and today..." Derek took a shruddery breath, "well tonight he came like this."

"Do you think it was...?" Even she didn't know Spencer's boyfriend's name, she'd promise her junior G-man that she wouldn't dig.

"I don't know. He wouldn't tell me."

"I'll call Rossi and Hotch," JJ said. Derek nodded. JJ walked out the room already on the phone with Hotch.

Spencer stirred a little in his sleep, and let out a small, "Derek" and moving closer to the older agent. Derek's arms automatically tightened around the slim body.

"I'm right here Spencer," Derek whispered against Spencer's hair, holding the genius closer.

"Why would he do this?" Prentiss asked herself.

"I don't know," Derek said honestly, looking at the young agent, asleep in his arms.

"I think I do," Penelope said. Both agents looked at her, waiting for her to explain, but she just shook her head. JJ walked back into the room.

"I spoke to Hotch and Rossi," she said. "They're going to meet us at the hospital." Derek nodded, understanding. He had to take Spencer to the hospital whether the kid wanted to go or not.

"We'll be in the living room if you need us." Derek nodded and the three women walked out.

"Spence," Derek whispered, gently shaking Spencer awake.

"Mm..." Spencer replied, moving even closer to Derek's warmth.

"Come on kid, I gotta get you to the hospital."

"N-no... Please."

"Come on kid, I have to."

"N-n-no Derek. Please don't... Please." Spencer was crying again, he was frightened.

"Shhh... it's okay. They'll help you."

"I-I... please."

"It's okay Spencer. They'll help you. It'll be okay, I promise." Spencer nodded slowly though he didn't stop crying. "Okay?" Spencer nodded again, a shakey hand moving to his face to wipe the tears.

"You'll... you'll stay with me Derek won't you?"

"I will if you want me to kid."

"Please..."

"Okay." Derek got out of bed and pulled a pair of jeans, a shirt, shoes and a jacket on; then he helped Spencer out of bed too, wrapping a blanket around the genius. They walked out the room, slowly for Spencer's sake since the younger male seemed to flinch every step he took.

"We'll meet you at the hospital," JJ said. Derek nodded and he and Spencer walked out the apartment and down to the parking bay were Derek's car was. He helped Spencer into the back then got in himself and drove Spencer to the hospital.

ooooo

An hour later the whole BAU team was at the hospital. Derek was still in one of the rooms with Spencer. The whole team was glum, they couldn't believe that someone would do this to the kid, he didn't deserve it, no one deserved to be abused and raped, it just wasn't right. They were all restless. They wanted to know what had happened to Spence, if the young genius was going to be fine, and why this had been done to him.

"Garcia," Prentiss said, looking at her co-worker.

"Mmhmm?" Penelope replied, looking up from her cup of coffee that she'd gotten but had yet to drink, to lost in her own mind.

"What did you mean back at Morgan's place when you said you think you knew why _he_ did this to Spencer?" They all looked at Garcia expectantly. She shrugged and shook her head.

"I don't want to jump into conclusions."

"It might give us an answer Garcia," Hotch said slowly.

"Well... I mean... I don't know. It's just... maybe this guy's seen Derek and Spencer together."

"Oh..." JJ and Prentiss said at the same time, understanding instantly.

"What do you mean?" Rossi asked.

"I don't get it," Hotch said. Penelope sighed.

"Well..." Penelope said. "They... To unknowing people, they look like they are... dating."

"What?"

"I think that maybe this guy saw Derek and Spencer together and thought that Spencer was cheating on _him_ with Derek."

"So you think _he _did this to Spencer out of jealous rage?" Rossi asked. Penelope nodded.

"It could be... I mean... its possible right?"

"It is," JJ and Prentiss both agreed. They all sighed and sat in silence once again. Then the hospital doors burst open and a man, around the same age and build as Morgan burst into the hospital and rushed to the reception desk demanding to be told where Spencer Reid was. Penelope got up and walked over to him.

"Excuse me," she said. The man turned and glared at her with crystal blue eyes.

"What?" he said in a not so nice tone.

"My name is Penelope Garcia-."

"So?"

"I work with Spencer Reid."

"Where is he?"

"He's with a doctor right now, we're all waiting for news." The man looked at the rest of the BAU teammates. The man huffed but sat down, but he sat as far away from the BAU team as possible. The door that led to the room Spencer and Derek were in opened and Derek walked out looking glum. "What happened?" Derek looked up and saw the man that had been looking for Spencer. Derek marched right up to the guy and punched him right on the nose.

"You asshole," Derek hissed. He grabbed the guy by the shoulders and was about to punch him again but was stopped by Hotch and Rossi. "Get him out of here before I do something I'll regret." Morgan pulled away from his co-workers and walked back to the room where Spencer was. Garcia recovered quickly and followed Derek to the room. She came out thirty minutes later, eyes rimmed red from crying.

"What happened?" JJ asked.

"You... you're sick!" Penelope shouted at the man. "You sick bastard! I hope you go to hell for what you did!" JJ and Prentiss held Penelope back as she tried to go for him. "You will rot in prison for what you did you asshole and I will make sure of it!"

"Penelope calm down," Hotch said. "Calm down." Derek came out the room again. He walked right past everyone, even 'the asshole that would rot in prison' and went outside. Ten minutes later he walked in followed by two police men. They walked up to 'the asshole'.

"Gordon Michaels you are under arrest for the rape...(1)" Everyone sort of phased out after that. Sure they knew that Spencer had been raped, and beaten up pretty badly, but for it be confirmed was. Suddenly too real and it was most certainly something they'd hoped wouldn't happen.

"No matter," Gordon Michaels said, looking straight at Derek with a sick, satisfactory smile on his face. "I've already had myself that ass, you can have him now." Derek went for Gordon but was stopped by Rossi and Hotch.

"Don't do it Morgan," Rossi said. "He's not worth you getting suspended or worse(2)." Derek huffed then walked back to Spencer's room while Gordon Michaels was led out the hospital. Penelope sat down with a sigh.

"What happened?" Prentiss asked Penelope.

"I was right. This Gordon guy saw Derek and Spencer and got jealous. _He_ started by hitting Spencer, that's when Spencer started going to Derek's during the night while that guy worked night shift at some place. _He_ found out where Spencer was disappearing to every night and got angry, raped him and attacked his face with a knife to 'make him ugly'."

"That son of a bitch," JJ hissed. They were all quiet for a while, shocked.

"How is Reid?" Prentiss asked finally.

"He's... he's fragile," Penelope answered. "But he seems better whenever Derek's around."

"Do you think... do you think he's in love with Derek?" Penelope smiled, it both sad and happy.

"They love each other, it's pretty obvious. _He_ saw this and got jealous, _he_ knew _he_ was going to lose Spencer to Derek, _he_ knew why Spencer picked _him_ in the first place. We all saw the resemblance, to Spencer it might've been a subconscious decision on Spencer's part, but I guess he felt attracted to _him_ because _he _looked a little like Derek, if you don't count the race." The others nodded.

"We should all get home," Hotch said. "It's been a long night, and we have work." The sun was already coming up.

"Yeah... We should go say bye to Spencer then head home."

They all made their way to the room and Penelope opened the door quietly to find the bed empty. She walked in and on the couch in the room were Derek and Spencer. Derek was sitting on the couch, arms wrapped tightly around Spencer who was sitting on Derek's lap fast asleep.

"Hey," Garcia whispered to Derek.

"Hey," he said, smiling slightly at the team.

"How is he?" Hotch asked.

"He'll be alright."

"That's good... You don't have to come in today, I'll understand." Derek nodded.

"Thanks Hotch."

"Good night," Penelope said kissing both Spencer and Derek's foreheads.

"Night baby girl." The rest of the team walked out quietly, shutting the door behind them. Spencer stirred a little. "Hey kid, you okay?"

"Derek?" Spencer said in a small voice.

"Yeah kid?"

"I love you." Derek smiled, pulling Reid closer.

"I love you too pretty boy." Derek got up and carried Spencer to the bed.

"Stay with me."

"Okay." Derek got into the small hospital bed too and held his genius close. "No one's ever going to hurt you again pretty boy, I promise." Derek kissed the younger man's head then he too fell asleep...

"_Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."_

_- Joseph Campbell_

**-FIN-**

So yeah... that's it... The quotes are dodgy I suppose, but I don't know, they sorta work I guess. If you know better quotes I can use, please do share!

(1) I'm not really sure what they say when they are arresting someone for abuse.

(2) Another cricket moment. I'm not sure if he'd get suspended or lose his job... but yeah, pretend that I'm right... LOL

**(",) MwahzZ**


	2. It Hurts

**EDITED!**

**A/N: **I read this one review where a person said I made Spencer get raped then he had sex afterwards ('...' moment there). Nay dude, I did not do that. I know I said (at the end of last chapter) this chapter would be lemony goodness, but that's before I had it planned out. Now that I know where I'm – sort of – headed, I can confidently say that there will be a few more chapters before any lemon takes place. So no lemony goodness... yet... Just angst for now...

Anywho... read on lovelies!

**Disclaimer:** Ney own...

**Love Me Tender: It Hurts**

**Derek's POV**

I hate seeing him like that. He looks so scared, so fragile, so broken. He cries most nights, cries till he falls asleep. I hold him, I try to comfort him, but he hurts. I hurt too. I don't want to see him like that. I want the old Reid back, that sweet genius who complained when he only read five books in one week. I miss him.

I hate what that jerk did to Spencer. I hate how _**he**_ turned Spencer into this. Spencer's scared, he has nightmares. Sometimes he wakes up screaming, begging _**him**_ not to touch him, not to hurt him. I try to keep him safe, I try to keep him sane, but I don't know if I can. He's so broken. It hurts.

He's always curled up, everywhere and anywhere he is, he's curled up, desperatly trying to make himself small. If he's in my bed without me, he curls up; if he's sitting on the couch he's curled up. The only time he's not curled up is in my arms. I'm glad he trusts me enough. I'm glad that I can make him feel safe, but it still hurts, to see him like that, so venerable, so scared, so lost and alone.

I want to be there for him in every way that I can, be able to comfort him in any and every way that I can, but I can't always. Sometimes he gets so scared that he doesn't want anyone to touch him, but he still wants to be comforted. Those days are hard, when I try to hold him but he pushes me away. He's scared, he wants me to help but he's scared _**he'll**_ come back and hurt him again.

The team tries to help. Garcia, Prentiss and JJ come over almost every day. They try to talk to him, but he doesn't answer, when he does its one word. He looks away from them when they come, he hides his face. He doesn't want them to see. He doesn't want them to look and see the damage _**he**_ made. Hotch and Rossi come over too, but he flinches away from them, he's still scared, he knows they won't hurt him, but he's scared.

I want to help him, we all do, but we can't take the pain away, we can't make the memories disappear. Sometimes I wish he didn't have eidetic memory, I wish he was normal. But he's not, he's Spencer Reid, the genius... no, not anymore. Now he's just scared. A boy, afraid.

Before I removed it, he used stand in front of the bathroom mirror for hours, looking at his face. The cuts heal slowly; some are worse than others, so they take longer. He cried when he saw himself in the mirror. He sobbed for hours. We stayed on the bathroom floor for hours, him sobbing in my shoulder, me holding him close.

I still call him pretty boy, he tells me I shouldn't, that he's ugly now, that he's ruined, that he's not 'pretty boy' worthy. But I don't stop calling him pretty boy; I won't stop calling him pretty boy, because to me he'll always be beautiful, he'll always be my pretty boy.

He tried to kill himself. He tried to OD, I caught him trying. I took the pills, sleeping tablets, and flushed them all down the toilet. I held him close when he cried all night. He didn't want to do this anymore. He didn't want to hurt; he didn't want to see me hurt. He wanted to end it, end our misery. It hurt, it hurt so badly. I don't want him to die, I love him.

I say it every day. I say it every single day. I tell him I love him and that he's beautiful every single day. I want to make him believe it. I want him to know that no matter what is going on in his head that I love him and that to me he'll always be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I wish I had Edward Cullen's gift - Spencer was the one who forced me to read the books in the first place after he discovered them himself. I wish I could read minds, mostly I wish I could read Spencer's mind. I want to know what he's thinking when he's quiet, chewing on his lip, eyes emotionless. It scares me when he's so quiet, when he doesn't even look at anyone or talk to anyone and he's just closed off, it scares me.

I want to help him so badly. I want to keep him safe, bring him back to us, to make him Doctor Spencer Reid again. I love him so much. I can't be without him. I want him back. I want pretty boy back. I want whatever this is to pass, for him to return. I want to see him smile again. I want to hear him laugh. I want it so much, no I need it. I need him to go back to his old self... I need it because I can't live like this, we can't live like. It just... it really, really hurts...

_When someone loves you they fight for you because the thought of losing you breaks their heart._

– _Sonya Parker_

**-FIN-**

Um... yeah... *wipes away stray tear* hmm... is it weird that I almost cried when I wrote this? Hmm... Quote once again dodgy.

Anywho...

**MwahzZ**

**(",) SmilezZ Ya'll**


	3. Scared

**EDITED!**

**A/N:** And there was chapter three...

**Disclaimer:** Nope

**Love Me Tender: Scared**

**Spencer's POV**

I can still feel _**him**_, feel _**him**_ all over me. I can feel _**his**_ hands on me, touching me, holding me down. I tried to fight _**him**_, I really did. I wasn't strong enough, I couldn't fight _**him**_ off. _**He**_ forced himself onto me, _**he**_...

I can't believe this happened to me. I never thought this would happen to me. I was stupid, I was so stupid. I know I should've told someone, I know I should've introduced _**him**_ to the others. But _**he**_ didn't want me to introduce _**him**_ to my friends. I didn't get why _**he**_ didn't want me to introduce _**him**_, but I didn't mind, I figured _**he**_ was just shy. I was wrong... I was so wrong...

The first time _**he**_ slapped me, I was so shocked. I never thought _**he**_'d do something like that. I didn't know why _**he**_ slapped me. I hadn't done anything to anger _**him.**_ _**He **_just slapped me then went off to work; _**he**_ was working night-shift at some 24-hour gas station. I cried for hours, trying to figure out why, why did _**he**_ feel the need to slap me?

I felt cold, I felt lonely. I needed someone to hold me, someone to keep me safe. _Derek!_ I got up from the floor where I'd been and walked out the apartment. I walked all the way to Derek's place. I knew where he kept the spare key, but I didn't take it. Instead I picked Derek's lock and walked into his room. I got into his bed. He didn't even ask me anything, he just allowed me to take his arm wrap it around me. I actually felt safe.

I left Derek's early the next morning and went back to my place. _**He **_wasn't home yet, I was relieved. I had a long shower, got dressed then went to work. It was a hard day, lots of unfinished case files to complete. Derek and I went for coffee after work, it was good, it was fun; he made me laugh. I knew I had a crush on him, probably even in love with him, but we were also good as friends, it was better than nothing at all.

When I got home _**he**_was there. He looked angry. He demanded to know where I was. I told him that I'd gone for coffee. _**He**_ wanted to know who I went with, why I didn't call and tell _**him**_. I told him I was with Derek. That seemed to make _**him**_ angrier, _**he**_ slapped me again; then _**he**_ left. This happened every day for the next month. Every day _**he**_'d ask me where I was, I'd tell _**him**_, _**he**_'d get angry then _**he**_'d slap me. It was like a routine, like an everyday thing.

Then it happened. _**He**_ blew up. I got home late from work and _**he**_ was waiting for me. The usual happened, _**he**_ asked me where I was, why I didn't call, who I was with. I answered all the questions as I normally would. Then _**he**_ asked me if Derek was there. It was a confusing question at the time, I didn't understand it.

I'm so much smarter than _**him**_ but I didn't see it. The millions of questions _**he**_ asked, the slapping, the anger. I didn't see that it was jealousy. I didn't put it together; I didn't see it until _**he**_ attacked me, till _**he**_ ripped all my clothes of, telling me _**he**_ was tired of my cheating. I tried to fight _**him**_, I honestly tried every move Derek had taught me, but I wasn't strong enough, I couldn't fight _**him**_ off.

I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. I didn't want it to be true. I didn't want it to be real. _**He**_ raped me! _**He**_ really... _**He**_ continued to push into me till _**he**_ reached completion. I felt _**him**_, in me, on me, around me. _**He**_ pulled out and looked at me. _**He**_ was smiling. _**He**_ was smiling because he hurt me!

I remember what _**he**_ said then, grabbing the kitchen knife, _'You won't be Derek's pretty boy with a ruined face Spence'_. Then _**he**_ attacked my face with the knife. I couldn't block the attacks because _**he**_ had my hands pinned down. I tried to move my face away, but _**he**_ still got one side, my left side. _**He**_ cut my cheek thirteen times, thirteen... When _**he**_ was satisfied with the damage _**he**_'d made, _**he**_ got off me. _**He **_cleaned himself and got dressed, still smiling, then with a 'have a nice life' _**he**_ left.

I picked myself up from the ground. I was so numb, I didn't even cry. I got some clothes and put them on. I walked to Derek's again, my whole body was on fire with pain, I could barely take a step without feeling like I'd collapse from the pain. I picked the lock of Derek's and went inside. When I was in there it all came crashing down. My body hurt, the tears came, I dropped to the floor, it just... I felt, I just felt...

I heard Derek come out of his room. He wanted to know what was wrong. I couldn't speak. I was holding myself, trying to keep warm, trying to think the pain away. It didn't work. I felt Derek's hand on my shoulder, he was worried, I could hear it in his voice, the worry. I looked up at him. He saw my face, he was shocked, but he fought to keep his expression as calm as possible, he didn't want to scare me. He wanted to know what happened. I couldn't tell him, I didn't want to.

I wanted Derek to hold me. I wanted to feel safe. He walked me to his room and put me in bed. He was going to leave but I begged him to stay, I wanted to feel Derek, not that bastard. Derek held me close to him, I felt safe in his arms. He held me close, he held me till I fell asleep.

When he woke me he told me we had to go to the hospital. I didn't want to go. I was scared. If I went to the hospital then the team would know. They'd know what happened to me. He'd know what happened. I didn't want it to be confirmed, I wanted it to be a nightmare, I wanted to wake up and find that it was all a dream.

But it wasn't a dream. It happened. Derek took me to the hospital, a female doctor helped me. She did all the necessary check-ups. Then she pulled Derek away, she told him what I didn't want to hear... I'd been raped. A kind female nurse came into the room. She smiled kindly at me and treated my cuts and scars and cleaned me up. She put a hospital robe on me and told me to sleep, that everything was going to be alright.

Derek didn't ask, but I knew he wanted to know what happened, so I told him. I was so numb when I told him, emotionless. Derek left for a while. I thought he was disgusted by me, I thought he hated me for being so weak, but then he came back; Penelope came too. Derek told her what happened, she was trying not to cry, but I knew she'd cry. She walked out the room just as the tears began to fall. I felt bad; I didn't want her to cry.

Derek called the police, told them what happened. He went out to meet them. I didn't want to be alone, but I let Derek go. He came back; he had a little smile on his face and told me everything was going to be all right. He told me that I was going to be okay and that that bastard wouldn't hurt me or anyone else ever again.

I should've been happy to hear that, but I wasn't. _**He**_ still hurt me. I was still stupid enough to believe _**he**_ loved me, to believe _**he**_'d never lay a hand on me. I was crying again. Derek picked me up and carried me to the couch. He sat me on his lap and held me close, shushing me till I fell asleep.

I woke up; Derek was still holding me, caressing my arm gently. I felt warm, I felt safe. I called Derek quietly, he answered. I told him I loved him, I did, and with all that he was doing I was sure that he loved me too. He did, he told me he loved me too, he even called me pretty boy, but that was a habit, he always called me that. I asked him to stay with me; I wanted him close to me.

Derek put me in bed and got in too. He wrapped his arms around me. I heard him whisper that no one would again, he promised it. I felt safe, I felt warm and loved, it was going to be okay...

But then it was time for me to go home. Derek said I would live with him. I didn't want to bother him but he insisted, said I wasn't bothering him at all. He did everything for me, fed me, bathed me, everything. But he had work, he had to get back to work, I made him go.

After he left I went to the bathroom. I really needed a shower. I saw myself in the mirror; my face was... it looked so bad. I couldn't look away though, I kept looking. I cried too. All those scars... Derek came home and found me. He pulled me away from the mirror. I was weak, I collapsed onto the floor, but he still held me. I cried and cried for hours, he didn't let go of me. He kept whispering that he it was okay, that he was there for me, that he loved me.

I was depressed and I was depressing Derek. I wanted to end it all; I wanted Derek to be happy again, to not have to be burdened by me. I took sleeping pills, I took too many. I was sure I was going to die, I was certain. But it wasn't my time to go I guess; Derek came home. He was so angry at me for trying to kill myself. He took the sleeping pills and flushed them down the toilet and called an ambulence. The pills were pumped out my body, I was kept in the hospital for a few days before I was allowed to go home.

Derek removed all the mirrors in the house before I got back. He locked them away where I couldn't find them. He told me every day that he loved me; he told me every day that I was beautiful. I didn't believe him but he kept saying it, he kept telling me.

I don't want him to worry so much. I hate that I'm making him worry. He tries, he really tries to make it better, but he can't. I'm just so broken right now. I just keep thinking: How could I be so stupid. How could someone with an IQ of 187, some who could read 20000 words a minute, someone with eidetic memory, someone who was called a genius pretty much everyday be so damn stupid? How could I have not seen what was making Gordon angry? It's just... I feel so stupid! So broken... so cold... so stupid!

**-FIN-**

Um... Angst, neh? I still got this right? so yeah... that was... depressing... but yeah... yeah... damn...

Anywho...

**MwahzZ**

**(",) SmilezZ Ya'll**


	4. Used Goods

EDITED!

A/N: FINALLY! So yeah neh... on to the next one... gosh I didn't realise how depressing this story was till I actually sat down and re-read it... whow... Ima try and make this chapter lighter, though I don't know, might end up being angst-y again *sigh-sigh* I hope it doesn't though... eish... and I'm sorry I'm depressing people =(

Sorry about its extreme lateness but I lost my angst and the passion and well yeah, but I'm summoning it back (making it sound like it's a creepy witch thing… *LoL*) but here it is, hope you enjoy it :))))

NOTE:

'' Change in POV

Disclaimer: not anytime soon, it belongs to… um… yeah, it doesn't belong to me

Love Me Tender: Used Goods

Derek's POV

I always wish I could make things easier for him. Make the bad memories go away, give him memories that will make him smile instead of making him curl up and wish he could die. I want to make life better for Spencer. I want him to know he can get through this. That it'll pass eventually. But how can I make him believe it when I don't?

I know what it's like to have someone force themself on you. I know what it's like to feel small and defenceless, to have someone invade your personal space, make you feel worthless and disgusting. I've been through it; I know what it's like. I wish others wouldn't go through it, definitely not someone as fragile and kind-hearted as Spencer.

I want to make things right for Spencer, show him that there is life after this. But I can't do that if I too, still have that painful memory in my mind. I know what's it's like to hate yourself for being weak, for not being able to do anything about a situation. I know what it's like to feel like your lost, like you have nothing going for you. I know all these things.

I want to make Spencer's life better. I want to fix him. But I can't do it, not if he's not willing to let me help him. I want him to know that I'm always there for him, that no matter what I'll always be there for him.

If only things were as easy as they were in the movies. If only I could easily get one of those forgetting gadgets from Men In Black and use it on him, make him forget all the pain and suffering he went through, help him start a new and happy life.

But I can't do that. I can't just make him forget. All I can do is be there for him and help him where I can. I can show him love and devotion and be his light in the darkness. That's all I can give him, and I will be there for him whether he wants me there for him or not.

I love Spencer with or without the baggage. He's my pretty boy, my genius, my love.

''

Spencer's POV

No matter how many times I try, I just can't get over what happened. I spend hour's everyday just sitting on the couch, curled up in a ball trying to figure it all out. I try to play it all out in my head, try to examine it all; view it in a different way.

Every day I ask myself the same questions: Where did it all go wrong? How could I not have seen the change in _him_? How could I have not seen _him_ and _his_ anger, _his_ constant questioning and jealousy, all those mood swings _he_ had?

I always figured it to _him_ having a bad day at work or maybe something had happened in _his_ family - we never talked about _his_ family - or... or something, anything to justify _his_ actions, anything to justify why _he_ acted the way _he_ did.

_He_ loved me, _he_ told me that every single day, with soft kisses and gentle touches. _He _told me that I was _his_ one and only, the man of _his_ dreams, the one _he_'d been waiting for. So what was a slap if _he_ apologised later? What was a punch, a kick, if I knew he would apologise and feel sorry about it later and a tear-filled 'I love you'.

Hell, I'm so stupid! I kick myself every day. I mean honestly! I'm considered a genius by everyone but I couldn't even see that I was in an abusive relationship. I, supposed genius, couldn't even tell that things had gotten too far, that I was in danger. I didn't see this all because of a few words and chemicals in my brains.

I'm such an idiot!

I could've avoided this. I could've avoided so much pain and heartache, if I'd just noticed, used my 'genius' head! But I didn't. Instead I listened to _his_ lies. I forgave _him_ when _he_ apologised. I believed that _he_ was really sorry; I believed that it was the last time; that _he_ wouldn't do it again.

Gosh! I'm so damn stupid! I didn't think, I never thought. I let him use me as his punching bag, I let him touch me forcefully; let him take me without my consent. I let him do it! I fought him but I wasn't strong enough. Why am I so damn weak?! Why didn't I fight harder?!

Maybe if I ended it all. That would be the only way to forget, the only way to end the pain. My only option to stop mine and everyone else's heartaches was if died. If I'm died I wouldn't be a burden to Derek, I wouldn't have to worry about him feeling helpless, about him feeling useless. It would stop that sad look he always has.

I don't want Derek to be sad anymore. I don't want him to feel like he has to look after me, like he has to stop his own life for me. He doesn't. He's a beautiful man that can be with anyone he wants to be.

I'm scarred. I'm useless. I'm damaged. I'm used. I'm ugly.

I don't deserve the love I get from Derek. I don't deserve a man like him, I don't deserve the friends I have, my mother. My father probably left because of me, I wouldn't be surprised if he left because of me. A genius son that couldn't even use his head when his life depended on his.

Dumb stupid used damaged useless Spencer Reid. With all the knowledge I carry in this thick head of mine, all the information I've gotten, things I've learnt, life I've lived, I result to nothing. Nothing but a dumb stupid used damaged useless being.

And things with no use are thrown away, people get rid of them. I would love to get rid of myself, end the misery. That's my only option, the only way. Leave this damned world and let everyone else continue with their lives without having me and my ugliness dragging them down.

''

Derek's POV

I arrived home from a long day of paperwork. Things hadn't been too hectic lately and I was grateful for that. It gave me more time to be with Spencer. God knows the kid needed someone there with him.

When I walked into the apartment, I found the living room empty. It kinda sent me in a miniature panic attack because that's where I usually found him. I was slightly relieved though, when I heard clattering in the kitchen.

"Spencer?" I called. There was no answer from the kitchen. "Pretty boy?" Still nothing. I sighed and kicked off my shoes then went to my room to put my gun in the safe - at this point in time I wasn't sure what Spencer was capable of doing. Once my gun was safely in the safe I took off my work clothes then put on a sweat pants and a t-shirt and headed to the kitchen.

I frowned when I didn't see anyone in the kitchen. I was about to leave - figuring that Spencer had left it - when I heard sniffling at the other side of the kitchen island. I went over to the other side cautiously and almost had a heart attack at what I saw. I found Spencer sitting on the floor crying his eyes out. He had a knife in his hands and blood running down his arms. His whole body was shaking from the silenced sobs that wretched through his delicate body.

"Spencer!" I rushed to him, grabbing the knife and throwing it far from us. "Spencer!" I pulled the slight form into a tight hug, wrapping my arms around the shaking body.

"I'm so-rry Der-ek," Spencer wept into my shoulder. "I'm so so-rry!"

"Shhh baby boy, it's okay."

"I'm use-less! I'm dam-aged! I'm use-d goo-oods! De-rek I'm s-o sor-ry."

"Shh Spencer, it's okay baby, I've got you now, it's okay." I picked Spencer up off the floor and rushed us to the bathroom. I pulled down the toilet lid and sat Spencer on it. I turned on the water in the sink then pulled Spencer's cut arm under it, washing away the blood.

I was both grateful and relieved to see that he hadn't cut deeply enough to reach any major veins. He'd cut the upper part of his arm, just below his inner elbow, instead of at the wrists which I thanked the heavens for.

When the blood stopped flowing, I got up and went to my room and got the first aid kit. I went back to the bathroom and cleaned up Spencer's cuts then bandaged them up.

I picked Spencer up and carried him to my room bridal style. He had his head rested on my chest. He'd exhausted himself with the crying and was now barely awake.

I pulled the covers off the bed then placed Spencer inside, pulling the covers over him. I was about to move away bit Spencer grabbed my hand and let out a small helpless whimper.

"Please," he whispered. I nodded then got into bed too. I wrapped my arms tightly around my genius, rubbing soothing circles on his back till he fell asleep.

_I want to fix you Spencer. I want to make you better. But I don't know how to. I wish I did, but I don't..._

_You can't heal anyone in pain. But you can help them on the path of a damaged heart by standing by their side every step of the way._

_- Aaron DeCamp_

-FIN-

Okay, so it's a little ugh and not 'OMG, amazing' and quiet short (which I hate) but it's something :). I tried to make it light and well the angst didn't come across too well, ah well. Please point out any errors.

Anywhoo...

MwahzZ

(",) SmilezZ Ya'll


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